Road drip.

My last nightmare never be work out. I have no ideas. Hating me and questioning of nowhere, got my license a year back. And until now I still can’t get my ass out of the busy site! I’m really fucked up.

It is good that Dad expect me to drive on my own, so he could catch better time. He brought 3 front seats car which really prefer to my taste but couldn’t wonder I just can’t cope with itself baby. Like Shawn told me, I’m small, (I think he wanted to say SHORT instead) yet I have a huge car to holding on. Anyway, my younger cousin is all the way out the road after got his car license.

I even managed to pass several semis at once... heart pounding, death grip on the steering wheel... but I didn't brake or slow down. I did have a moment of panic when someone was right on my tail but all I did was tap my brakes GENTLY to let them know that they didn't have to follow so close and kept on driving.
I just couldn’t drive within my own judgment and thinking. It’s green and it going to turn yellow and then, the red light soon.
Should I just have my time turning smoothly right at the junction or should I just stop after I saw the green turned yellow in a few minutes?

I can’t why I hate big cars, big trucks, big Lorries, big buses and whatever vehicles stand up much higher than me. And they were like so near me.
Like squeezing my space out of breath, yes I can’t breathe.

There's no backing out. I think I'll be okay. I really have been trying to use the R.O.A.D. technique and also, telling myself to take a bite out of the elephant. Won't it be nice when we can all drive without a thought as to whether we're going to panic?!

Wow, that sounds like a lot to handle.
‘All the more reason to slow down, breathe, and be sure to do the exercises.’
It's times like this that you have to force yourself to be kind to yourself.

Baby, I’ve tried my best.

Say byebye.

It's cool, i always thought... I never hate Joyce for just left out.

It's all her one-night decision.

It could be some resasons that Mum kept mention she was unhappy the way updating my newly first guy home.
The psychology is not balanced, while her stress was coming from unpleaseant sales.

She was upset with the life she got.

Who else knows she just don't work for the company.

Figuring am I the one to cause Joyce to make up the point that she was annoyed, but I'm not interested, or asking her come back. The story ended there.


Our company first outlet at Simei Eastpoint Shopping Mall have ended business last night. Joyce did not turn up.

Shawn and Uncle Dick came to help moving things until the last night with us.


I guess Mum and Dad feel sad the acid while putting down the 9 years iron gate.

I can't stop thinking why.

OMG! Joyce decided to resign today! My dear GOD sister, she was in her off-day today and sent me a few msgs and asking to making leave out the company. And how ridiculous she gave us no reason leaving and so instant resign. Probadly, 'HER OWN REASONS' and I really don't know what is this going on. WTH.
This is a bad news, I guess Mum and Dad have their big time recuiting new workers.
They wouldn't never ever be kind to anyone anymore.

:(:(:(

My off-days plan is gone.

记得人生的志愿

记得那年我十六岁 我定下了人生的志愿
就抛开一切 我要从商 从此以后我设计到爽

政治太复杂 我没有办法 英文不够强
我放弃学院　决定学那MANGO 我要我要我要做时下名流

当时年纪小 真的哪里怕 比棒棒堂冲 比超女还壮
一个人背着行囊 我要到店去上学堂

好死不死 被我弄对 有了爸妈生意 要我照顾
喔喔 接下来会怎样 就请你给我个答案

不考大学 该学不学 时间一堆 对对对对 妈妈说的对
我不能做不务正业 但我相信总有一天做到对

答案不久马上揭晓 过了三年 我二十一岁
只怕大家真的没发现 一直没机会没错

大家真的没发现 大家发现一个轮 他叫驾车轮
我慢慢沉沦 剩我一个人迟钝 寻找方向盘

接下来只好去工作 做做服务业 看能不能东山再起
也许这是我的命 我拼了命 磨练演技 但太多人与人的游戏

小姐小姐 走过不要错过
错过就会难过 我的话不多 不会讨好

假如这样就碍到你 我的态度你一定不满意
我只能说 对不起 敬个礼 放个屁 臭死你

有时我真的有苦无心 我不想再继续做戏
让我做我自己 就请你给我个答案

常常觉得莫名其妙 身体里总有声音
在咆哮烦躁 天气好不好 风雨都在飘

批发的人吃方便面 方便都不再方便 全世界都是顾客队
好像我们不对 他们是不是一对 反正不对的上了报纸才对

趸卖的人跑去开店面 购买的人开始不知踪影
每个人都开始宣布起价 新衣开始越来越复杂

本公司自己买货装满 顾客的心一变再变
全都怪景气怪政治怪地球天气不对

变少朋友 拿个电脑 我想要BLOG一些 决心接触着
我才了解不是我是谁 谁是我 是谁不是重点

重点是站在舞台上 看着舞台下 就这一首歌 大家齐唱和
我的心里都有人知道 是不是那老天听到

我的运气又怎来到 一个有心人他听到 谢先生他问我
要不要帮我出人头地 就请你给我个答案

过了不久 出了感情 一首我的心声叫做许静雅
我真的只不过想愿望给你听

后来接着接着 突然有人说我是健忘
树大招风不是没道理 理由也可以算借口吗

我的天这是什么世界 我们什么时候怪自己
知道自己不对 对不起大家 是我不对

My political matter.

It really sucks telling all whole me to control my emotion. I don’t why. I just can’t be. I’m so disappointed and depressed. Things were always so happening usually connected Shawn, My bro Jack, and his idiot PC.

Shawn promised himself to help Jack to fix up his desk computer. It seems likely a helpful person doing his job. Yeah, I must be rather glad he would do that. BUT, there is always a BUT. I started to refuse my Jack when he kept doing his dirty business on the net daily. Whatever things he does I really have no interest to know. He has NO job, no school, no playmate, and no goal. And he has a lot of bad habits… such as chatting on the phone until midnight 4. Yes, you’ll ask who he’s talking to so late at night. No ones know and he can’t care to tell.

Back his girlfriend, Mei Ling. She could stand my brother nonsense and followed his stupid ‘Orders’. And yet, play boy can’t stop fling his other girl-friends. My dad told me he went up and scolded Jack when he saw Jack slapped Mei Ling. WTH!

This night, Shawn came to my home because of Jack’s network couldn’t connect. We have dinner together, with my sister, June and Ray. While dining, I mentioned about my back-acne problem get worse after using T-3. I don’t understand why Shawn gets annoyed about this. Why yah?

What’s up? I’m in wrong because of what?

I was confused.

Shawn had fuss up with Jack latter. Jack didn’t keep his promise to work after Shawn helped him to purchase the PC. I kept quiet and BLUR.
And Jack shouted me out of his room. WHAT? Out of his room? That is plain ridiculous. Shawn kept quiet. I just wanna dead in front of him.

I was confessed.

I was varying to help any but I don’t know what. I don’t know anything about route and stupid Adapter. I just went in and out despite Jack disallowed me going into his room. I WAS WONDERING WHY I CAN’T?

I was useless.

Most probably yes.

I cried and tried to call any of friends while I was so depressed.
What an upset I couldn’t find any of them! So late I guess they have slept. Ahhhhh!

I was hopeless.

Shawn determined to finish and solve everything. It was late at 1.30 a.m.
Everyone was silent and I know I was indifferent.
Shawn went home, and asked him to msg me while he was backing home.

He was disappointed with me. Well, He means regret knowing me. He can’t accept my behaviors just now. I might don’t understand him or likewise he doesn’t understand me. OMG.

After all,

I was the big-loser.

I have no confidence.
I have no goal.
I have less knowledge.
I have sibling rivalry.
I have lost love…

Oh gosh, Jess Jess you're in the mess. fU.

All fine. Now is 4 am and so I can't sleep... and the telephone is still on, someone is using the phone.